The Costa Rican Ficus Tree: An Adoptee’s Reflections

I recently returned from speaking at the Gross Global Happiness Summit in Costa Rica, and while the scenery and wildlife were amazing, it was the story of one particular type of tree that I felt drawn to—the Ficus tree. You can’t miss it in the rainforest. It grows out of the middle of other trees, wrapping itself around and sometimes completely taking over, until the original tree disappears. As it begins to grow, it might look like the Ficus doesn’t belong there, but over time, it becomes its own strong, grounded tree. Its roots search for the soil, and its branches seek the sun. Staring up at one of these towering giants, I couldn’t help but think about the parallels in my adoptee journey.

I often talk with other adoptees about how complex identity can be. Many of us start out growing from something that isn’t fully ours—our birth families, our cultures of origin, foster and adoptive families we weren’t born into. Just like the Ficus, we grow around and within structures that weren’t originally meant for us, and sometimes, it can be hard to figure out what’s ours versus what we’ve inherited or adapted to.

What really struck me is how the Ficus changes on the inside to survive. It actually reshapes itself, becoming hollow in parts to make room for everything it needs to thrive. That felt so familiar. Adoptees have to make room for a lot—grief, curiosity, confusion, love, and loss. We have to consider how to honor our own experiences while navigating the expectations of others. We carry multiple truths at once, and that changes how we see ourselves and how we move through the world.

Eventually, the Ficus stands on its own. It’s not dependent on the host tree anymore. It finds its own roots, its own way to reach for the light. That, to me, is the heart of the adoptee journey. We start out shaped by other people’s decisions, but we keep growing independently. We find our voice, our origins, our path. We figure out what identity means to us, and we make it ours.

Nature has a way of showing us things we already understand about ourselves. Seeing that Ficus reminded me that being an adoptee isn’t about fitting into someone else’s mold. It’s about becoming—piece by piece—the version of ourselves that feels most authentic and rooted. And just like that tree, we are allowed to take up space, grow in unexpected ways, and become something uniquely, beautifully, and powerfully our own.